How long?
How long?
How long?
When we are in the darkness, it feels like there never was light.
That the darkness will always be there.
These feelings of dread, this pain and not knowing is part of the adventure.
I was struck by a scene from a novel.
The scene is from C.S. Lewis' Chronicle of Narnia series.
"The Silver Chair" particularity.
I won't sum up the story except to say that at one point the main characters get trapped underground and all of them except the most negative person get bewitched into thinking there is no surface world, no Narnia and that they never needed to leave.
When Puddleglum figured out what was going on, he gave this amazing speech:
"One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a playworld which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say."
The Dark is unavoidable.
Failure is unavoidable.
Death is a question of when and not if.
Right now the selfdoubt, the self loathing, the inner editor and every single insecurity you have ever had is screaming at you to quit.
That you are a failure.
That all there ever was is this darkness.
I know because that swirling mess of dark is in my head.
And has been every year I have done Nanowrimo.
And every single time I dared.
Think about what you have been doing these past fifteen years...writing, creating and crafting.
A world that did not exist until you started the Word document.
No matter what The Dark may say that world is still there and needs YOU.
You owe it to yourself to sit down and be willing to feel the sting of failure by trying.
I have plenty of reasons to quit Nanowrimo.
To quit school.
To give up on life.
To give up on people.
But I am a Narnian.
I refuse to let this dark hold me.
The Dark will fight like hell to stop you but together we can make it through this.
By putting one foot forward, one step at a time, one prayer at a time, one breath at a time, one word at a time we can do this.
It's okay to doubt, to be afraid, to long for clear skies and hope.
I promise this darkness will end and The Dark cannot claim you if you resist.
Together, dear Novelists of Narnia, we CAN do this!
For a higher word count!
For a messy first draft!
For Narnia!
And for Hope!
See you all soon;
-Matt
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