One of the things about Nanowrimo is you are allowed to bring in a couple days/week of planning but no actual written words. It's suggested that you use only new ideas so you will not be held back by the fear of having to "hurt" a creation you've built up in your mind.
Considering most of us are terrified of our own art and fear of failure...this is a very good idea/common sense. I, myself, will build up all of these ideas that never live up to what is in my mind, so I become depressed and resentful about my own work.
The way I, and others, treat ourselves is wrong.
Creativity should be an exhilarating plummet into adventure.
Instead the "Inner Editor" of doom and our lack of confidence act to self sabotage us.
Every time I pick up my laptop to write, I am having to look myself in the mirror and face the insecurities.
It's looking into this black hole located in my heart and soul.
All of the hate, disgust, fear, despair and evil is right there.
Looking back from the abyss with a smile.
It knows I am afraid and how weak I am.
Nanowrimo has become this process:
1.Picking up a hammer
2.Looking at my fear
3.Matching it's snark grin with my own smile of madness
4.Breaking that damn mirror
5.Getting down to business
I am so sick of living in fear.
I am so tired of thinking I am worthless just because things do not work out.
I have value and meaning just because I was born.
The past is a millstone dragging me into the water.
Why do I want to drown when I can soar?
This is a daily war against the monsters under my bed.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Suicide.
Hopelessness.
Self-Hate.
Merciless bastards who only want to consume and destroy.
My soul will be free.
The Darkness will not overcome.
To quote a wizard:
"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh."
- Magus. Chrono Trigger
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Novel Ideas
1.Transversing the Tunes - A romantic story involving a musician who crosses the country in order to find the girl he loves to win her heart and play in her band.
2.Night's Fall - The sixth novel in my series about the physical and spiritual dimensions of the earth being combined and apocalyptic invasion of The Dark. Full fledged war has begun where the fight is for the survival of humanity as a species.
3.Deathwave - A crisis is caused when an unknown chemical is leaked and causes psychosis and violent cannibalistic crimes in a south Florida city.
4.Service with a Smile - A man who has grown up seeing the Shadows which led him to becoming medicated and miserable fining himself at a dead end job. After saving a teenage girl from being raped he starts to confront the figures who have become more visible.
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